July 16, 2018.
This has helped to shake me loose today:
The initial and edited version of the C-Span chyron under the video of the press conference in Helsinki.
My job felt impossible to latch onto all day. No one at work said a word about Helsinki. Every single person seemed unaware or not interested. This is a “Where were you when X happened” moment and it’s a day like any other in a place where no one cares.
But anyway, this post is not about that. This post is about the loosening of my grip. My coworkers left right at 3 pm to go get their kids like they always do — our day is skewed early because we work on East Coast time. I usually stay and finish things up as they hurry away. But because world events rattled loose my grip on my work world, I also left at three and left all sorts of things until tomorrow.
People will be annoyed. People will be mad. There will be a slowdown. I’m already behind. The team won’t look as good as it could. There will be slips. There may even be a mistake vortex. There may be complaints.
But I left at 3 pm too. And I registered the truth that saying No is saying Yes.
Yes to my apartment, which I am keeping so clean and enjoying so much that I feel like I’m dating it.
Yes to the little lake down the street, where I go because there’s no air conditioning in my apartment and it feels 12 degrees cooler at the lake.
Yes to the volunteer research project I’m doing on Washington State legislative candidates–finally a way I feel like I can contribute besides giving money and protesting.
Yes to my book project, knocking around and around in my brain. It’s been given front of mind. And if storytelling is linked to my spirituality, then this is me connecting to what matters.
And it’s the connection that’s new too. I think I couldn’t say No to say Yes before, because I couldn’t feel anything to say Yes to. I didn’t mind staying late at work because it beat collapsing like a souffle into an unmade bed to watch Netflix and eat chips out of a bag.
But now, for this afternoon, I’m feeling a little bit in love with my life (even if it might be lived out in a dynastic kleptocracy that’s a Russian proxy state).
Lil is a writer and editor in Seattle. Her writing on comics, books, and life has appeared in Paste Magazine, STACKEDD, Newsarama, Panel Patter, The Wind-Up Books Chronicle, Mining Transport, the only way out is through (TOWOIT), and The Naive Review. She's also started posting some essays more cleanly at Medium, now that she's cluttered up her Wordpress blog with angry bulleted lists, White House briefing transcripts, and so many screenshots of tweets. Twitter is @lilwould.